“We see things not as they are, but as we are. Because it is the 'I' behind the 'eye' that does the seeing.”

Anaïs Nin

Artwork by Andrei Nikolaev

“Each of us tends to think we see things as they are, that we are objective. But this is not the case. We see the world, not as it is, but as we are - or as we are conditioned to see it.” Stephen Covey

Once again, thank you, Leah Weber King (my FB friend) for the insightful portrait and valuable quotes. Definitely worth repeating over and over.

We see things as we are because our experiences form us, and well, what else is there to compare our view to? We either accept them for what they are, or dismiss them and fantasize about alternatives.

I had a conversation with my sister today that sparked not just self-reflection, but anger at a feeling of being judged. How a person is raised has a profound effect on his/her outlook and response to situations. I was told that I am too sensitive and can be "very" harsh (she emphasized the 'harsh', which ignited intense anger). She claimed the criticism of my essence was out of love. That's what she said. 

All my life my siblings felt the need to point out my flaws--something I could not fathom doing to them. None of us are perfect, but to listen to them, you would think they had no faults.

I reflect on this and still I refuse to exchange vice for vice, fault for fault. But I also realize that I can be judgmental and defensive and concluded that it is part of the ego (or lack thereof). 

The above statements resonate with me because I do see the world through my personal lens. I am working on changing this to, if nothing else, give myself a break! I will stop expecting people to think the way I think, do things the way I would do them and on my timeline, and to stop trying to fix everything. Most of all, I will stop blaming myself and struggling to figure out how to change to meet others' approval! Stop caring too much without not caring at all, which is a delicate balance and one I am determined to master! 

When (not if) I achieve this, I will be much more at peace because it means that I: (1) have not given up my power (which means I take their comments with a grain of salt); (2) respect others' opinions even if I don't agree with them; (3) release the need to give my opinion or advice (no one wants it anyway!) so no need for regrets about saying something wrong; and (4) embrace me unconditionally, without the shadow of what I have been told that I lack. This decision feels damn good already!